It doesn’t hurt to picture what everything would be like if we had all the power in the world as long as it’s in a positive way, right? Global domination is such a scary term for such a potentially beautiful thing: a world where Fuzzy’s Taco Shop rules supreme, where tacos are sacred and Fuzzy’s Butt Burnin’ Sauce flows like the rivers of ancient Babylon.
How can that be all bad? In fact, we venture you’d actually like it a whole lot. Here are how things would be if Fuzzy’s Taco Shop ruled the world:
Tuesdays would be a weekly holiday.
Our first order of business would be a big one. No beating around the bush here. Tuesdays are sacred at Fuzzy’s Taco Shop, and we’d treat them accordingly. People will be allowed to take however long a lunch they want and can even skip work to fully invest in the enjoyment of the day—no questions asked.
We would of course stay open because, well, obviously…
Everything would come with a choice of corn or flour tortillas.
It used to be “would you like fries with that?”
But now it would be “corn or flour?”
No matter the type of food, corn or flour tortillas will a staple in all diets. We’ve shown time and time again that anything can be made into a taco with the proper edible support system. Mac and cheese? Put it in a taco. Beef stroganoff? Taco me. Sushi? You’ll figure it out.
We’re still thinking of how we’d handle dessert. Maybe a cookie tortilla? We’ll get back to you on that.
All citizens would be required to work at a Fuzzy’s Taco Shop for at least six months.
Every year, when millions of young men and women enter the workforce, they’ll be drafted into service. Not armed service, but taco service. No one quite appreciates the art and complexity of the Fuzzy’s menu quite like those who have perfected it. Therefore, everyone will learn the fine art of taco making from the masters themselves—our team members.
(Everyone will also learn to appreciate the importance of a solid tip, just saying.)
Fuzzy’s Butt Burnin’ Sauce would replace all condiments.
Look, ketchup and mustard are fine and all, but they’re a thing of the past. We need to be moving forward, not stagnating. Maybe “replace” is a strong word. We wouldn’t ban other condiments (we’re all about equality), and we’re not looking to start some sort of condiment coup. But Fuzzy’s Butt Burnin’ Sauce would definitely find its way into every condiment caddy in the world if we have our say.
Sounds like a world you want to be living in, doesn’t it?